Already Gone

Just Another Picture to Burn!

I just can't get it right! Like it's all retarded!No it's actually more than fucking retarded. How is it that one minute you can be so high up but the next you find yourself on the ground, wings bent and broken so that it seems impossible for you to soar that high again? Like everything else in life, your wings will heal. The question is when and how. Time does not cure everything. That I've learned throughout this past few years.

In fact, time just makes things worse. And it is often too late before you realize that time has made it impossible for you to turn back, to erase those mistakes, to undo the things you've done or to do something you should have done way back then. I always have believed that time heals everything. So, I thought time would heal the wounds ; but it did not. I hoped that if i stayed there on the ground, time would help mend my wings and i'd soon soar again. I want to be ME again, I want the ME i used to be, the all perfect,the all confident person I used to be!

So fucking stupid. I'm still on the ground, the clear blue sky above taunting me. It's been too long and my wings have grown numb since, the memory of their last flight now nothing but a messy mix of dust, wind and clouds. Sure they'll spread wide and soar but it will be brief. They do not trust me anymore to steer nor do they trust the wind to guide them in the right direction.And again, I'm back to square one, all hopeless again!

My wings are broken and though they may soon mend and be granted the ability to flap again, they will not take the risk. I could try for flight, perhaps to join the flock soaring nearby at such a welcoming pace, but I know that my wings will not let me. Flying again leaves room for more crash landings, ruffled feathers and broken things. I dare not take this risk.

That's the person I've become, lost hope in life. I feel that now that I have failed, I'll never gain success or even be close to it. I compared my life to a bird who broke it's wings and has the fear to ever fly again. The fear is in me, still.