I'm Walking Away From All the Pain You Gave Me
we were meant to say goodbye,when we take this road someone has to go.

Waiting for your call
I'm sick
I'm angry
I'm desperate for your voice.
That was it, I'm never wanting it anymore.
There I laid, all alone, all broken, all tore apart.
But you couldn't see, the tears I cry.
Where were you when I needed you the most.
All I asked for you to spend time with me, nothing more, nothing less.
I always thought I made a right decision, but you just prove me wrong, I think I'm regretting it everyday.
Why this did happen to me? Why me? Was it wrong that I wanted to sort myself, left the old me behind, and welcome the new me
I never thought I'd ever see this day in my life,
but thanks to you, I had to let my tears flow like there isn't an end to it.
Yes, I know, I was stupid, I was dumb, I was a fool.
I harmed myself for you, I sacrifice a lot for you, even my friends, but what did you do for me?
All I remember is you being selfish while i cry myself to sleep.
I can't take this no more, I have moved in life, I never want to look back and clear the things I've done or erase the things that you've done.
I'm saying goodbye for this very last time.
Goodbye, all I ever want is you to be happy.
And this is the best way to keep you happy as this is not going to keep me lying to you and to myself.
This is the final decision I'm making, letting you go.
And please don't come looking for me,
As I'm never going to be there no more.
You have moved on once, so move on again.
I'm walking away from the pain you gave me,
In search of a little air to breathe once again
After so long, as I felt I was dead in my coffin.
Yes, I'm walking away for the very last time.

I'm Already Gone
Yes, I know I'm drifting away from you. Bit by bit! Time is all i need.
Does it hurt to see my face or hear my name?
But it certainly sucks to know I'll never be there when you actually turn back!


" Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high. It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die. I didn't want us to burn out. I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop. I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road.
Someone's gotta go.And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.
So I'm already gone.Looking at you makes it harder.But I know that you'll find another.That doesn't always make you want to cry.Started with a perfect kiss.Then we could feel the poison set in.Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so.I love you enough to let you go.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.Where we take this road.Someone's gotta go.

And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.
So I'm already gone.I'm already gone, already gone.You can't make it feel right.When you know that it's wrong.I'm already gone, already gone.There's no moving on.So I'm already gone.Remember all the things we wanted.Now all our memories, they're haunted.We were always meant to say goodbye.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.Where we take this road.Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.So I'm already gone.I'm already gone, already gone.You can't make it feel right.When you know that it's wrong.I'm already gone, already gone.There's no moving on.So I'm already gone."


Yes, if only you could love me better I shall be not as fucked up as I was, glad it was not for long till i found happiness again. But I know everything happens for a reason, and I love the reason behind this. I really do!
Just that we were never meant for do or die, that's about it.

Already Gone

Just Another Picture to Burn!

I just can't get it right! Like it's all retarded!No it's actually more than fucking retarded. How is it that one minute you can be so high up but the next you find yourself on the ground, wings bent and broken so that it seems impossible for you to soar that high again? Like everything else in life, your wings will heal. The question is when and how. Time does not cure everything. That I've learned throughout this past few years.

In fact, time just makes things worse. And it is often too late before you realize that time has made it impossible for you to turn back, to erase those mistakes, to undo the things you've done or to do something you should have done way back then. I always have believed that time heals everything. So, I thought time would heal the wounds ; but it did not. I hoped that if i stayed there on the ground, time would help mend my wings and i'd soon soar again. I want to be ME again, I want the ME i used to be, the all perfect,the all confident person I used to be!

So fucking stupid. I'm still on the ground, the clear blue sky above taunting me. It's been too long and my wings have grown numb since, the memory of their last flight now nothing but a messy mix of dust, wind and clouds. Sure they'll spread wide and soar but it will be brief. They do not trust me anymore to steer nor do they trust the wind to guide them in the right direction.And again, I'm back to square one, all hopeless again!

My wings are broken and though they may soon mend and be granted the ability to flap again, they will not take the risk. I could try for flight, perhaps to join the flock soaring nearby at such a welcoming pace, but I know that my wings will not let me. Flying again leaves room for more crash landings, ruffled feathers and broken things. I dare not take this risk.

That's the person I've become, lost hope in life. I feel that now that I have failed, I'll never gain success or even be close to it. I compared my life to a bird who broke it's wings and has the fear to ever fly again. The fear is in me, still.

My Tears Run Down Like Razorblades

My Tears Run Down Like Razorblades

In your opinion, what's your answer, if someone asked u this:

' Is boyfriend important or bestfriend?'

In my mind, i think she will answer BOYFRIEND! pfft! =.=
simply because of Boyfren(BF), a girl betrays her bestfriend(bf) haha

because of BF, a girl keeps talking about her BF infront of her bf, worst if her bf knows her BF! and they are like super close last time. SO imagine!
because of BF, a girl changes her attitude tremendously! Ask me, i've experienced it :P
because of BF, a girl makes her bf sad, pretty normal though!

2 years!
2 years of friendship..just blown away!!! YAY!
Why? Again because of her BF!
and now, the girl says that her bf betrayed her..
oh yeah i forgot,

• wishing her 'Happy birthday' through text and calling her up is a way to betray
• call people up to remind her to get her SPM ID is a way to betray
• defending her from the others, is a way to betray
• supporting her all the time,is a way to betray
• advising her from whats wrong to whats right,is a way to betray! hell yeah!
  

ONLY now i know, all along
all i did for her was just a form of me betraying her?
ONLY now i know,
because of BF
she changed her attitude towards me, leaving me,mocking about me, backstabbing me,
is not called BETRAYING. haha
The main point is,
Does the girl remember what we had promised each other..
2 years ago?
What happened to, OH i'll always be there for you when you need me. It's all bullshit! Hell yeah it is! As they say, Don't make promises when you're happy, you'd never know when you need to break them to make someone else happy!
haha..
I'm sure that,
She has forgotten all that,
2 years ago..
and I'm the only one person,
who's sitting in front of the computer..
writing this,with tears,
I have nobody to voice out, Nobody to call out for,Nobody like you who'd understand me,
But you did prove them right,
What they used to say about you, ONE day, you'll betray me,
I was stupid, I was dumb, that i did not listen to my true friends!
BUT i told them I'll prove them wrong, YOU failed me! Yes you did.
I just cant believe that, I will have to face this, I never listened to Paul, when he said you'll betray me, I never did listen.
Well, now that you stop pretending, and got what you want, I'll just bless you!
Never thought, my friendship will end this way, never did!

I hate her BF?
Nope!
I don't! Hell yeah he is using her, but what do I care?
But,
I hate myself, for being there for her, for supporting her, for being dumb!
WHY am i not as important as he is?

Well,
Someone would have said..
Do you like her?
My ans is..
No!
I'm not a lesbian, never thought about it that way! I have got my own BF, but why didn't i react the way she did, why I gave her importance and she didn't even bother looking back at me, and just left me standing there. Just like that!
I just kept my friendship ahead!
Eventhought, she mocked, she did talk bad behind my back, YET i forgive her for her mistakes,thinking nobody is perfect even i'm not!
Well..
Now i know, why I do feel sad and broken up inside
BECAUSE,
I make my Friends just soo important in my life, Guess that is the reason why I'm like this!

WHAT do you think about this story?
believe?
or don't believe?
hahaha
I think nobody will ever believe me...
and..
You'll just believe her..
I know, I know
But no worries! hahaha
I do believe in myself, That's more than enough!

My Tears Run Down Like Razorblades
you'll never know how it feels like, bet you never will!
All i ever want is you to be happy, If me leaving is what you want,
I've granted your wish! But despite what you did to me, Ignoring all that, I'll never find a person like you, Never will have a bestfriend like you. That's how much i treasure you until you spoil everything we had yourself!

Tear Drops On My Guitar

Tear Drops On My Guitar

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That i have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As i turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why i do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

Hahahaha. Love this song for some reason The light blue highlights do mean something. It's hidden meaning leading to something. Ohh, i just love this songgg! Heeee

Graduation

I'm Finally Graduating!
(Friday, 30th of October 2009)





I finally graduated from high school! heee. Well, it's not as good as it sounds though. At first, my friends and i were hell lot excited about it. Plus, we were allowed to be in traditional clothes and stuff. It was alright through out the ceremony. But sadly, the school rejected out proposal of having a prom night, WTF i know! Anyways, here is some pictures taken before graduation and during graduation day. Nothing much to write about, was just dropping by since i had nothing else to do! LOL.

The BIG Day

The Last Day ;(

It's finally approaching the day. Well, today was the last day at school :(

Sad to say but yeah. I still remember the time i said, i will never look back at school and wanting it to be over as soon as possible !!! But, i have come to realize that, among my friends, i was the one who was being so emotional. I don't know why, but yeah, i did. ahahahaha :) I will miss the Monday mornings where i used to grumble,having difficulties to wake up. ahahaha. damn! and i will miss the Fridays where i would be happy enough as the weekends were coming. I'll also miss the time, during assembly, we used to make fun of the teachers, especially the principal. Lol. But as the say, every end has a new beginning. SO, i'm being positive as possible. hee, who knows what is ahead right :) I'm going to miss irritating Sabrinaa, I'm going to miss fighting with Ratnamala, I'm going to miss bullying everyone, I'm going to miss Sharon when she cries, I'm going to miss Ashvin when she gets tensed up. Mostly, I'm going to miss the class, 5 Science 1.

The Surprise :)

The Surprise!

28th of July.That's my birthday.hee.Nothing much happened on that day.Well infact,i was emoing! Yay! haha.It was on a Tuesday.Haih.Schooling day,all were stucked in school and i was at home.All alone.Skipped school,thought it would be a good thing skipping school on your birthday,but it was a bad idea.More things running through your head.But anyways,the day ended just like that.

The next day,was another freaking schooling day. Haih. I was kind off sad on that day.No idea why. This is the first ever time i cried on my birthday,dont ask me why.Leave that aside.hee. Went to school at 6.45 am. It was raining heavily,so there was no morning assembly.Thank God! oh and yeah i hate the new head prefect! she sucks! haha.

Entered the class.Everyone wished me.Lol.Just as expected.Sat down in my place,first row right infront of the class.I've always loved my place for some reason,in between Ashvin and Sharon. They all were talking about Sunday.And i was not being informed of anything and whats going on stuff. Well not that i cared,but they never hid stuff from me.hee. But the told me to bring myself,on Sunday,at McDonalds in Titiwangsa.I was like,"what?! but i have got classes on that day?!" haha they just told me to leave the classes and just come. I knew it was a plan. But not sure what it was.

SUNDAY! haha. I figured it out when i saw that Secret Recipe box on the table. It was my surprise birthday party.Sharon,Ashvin,Sabrinaa,Ruba,Ratnamala,Shalini and Pauline planned it all. I was so freaking happy! haha. This never happened before.My friends actually do care for me. I was soooo soooo happy on that day. Thanked god for giving me such good friends. Oh and Ashvin and I shared the cake.Her birthday was on 30th July,so we cut it together :)

Here are some pictures of the Birthday Party!

And the Group Picture :)

The Killing :)

This was what she went through,when he went missing,

when he had a new life,better than that she gave him.