Hear Me

I'm Sorry,But I Don't Wan't to do This Anymore.Goodbye!

I never needed you to be strong,
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs,
I never needed pain,
I never needed strain,
My love for you was strong enough you should have known,
I never needed you for judgments,
I never needed you to question what I spend,
I never asked for help,
I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me
And it's a little late for conversations,
There isn't anything for you to say,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me, and listen to me..
Because
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
I never needed your corrections,
On everything, from how I act, to what I say,
I never needed words,
I never needed hurts,
I never needed you to be there every day,
I'm sorry for the way I let go,
Of everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated,
I know that next to you is not where I belong,
And it's a little late for explanations,
There isn't anything that you can do,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So you will listen when I say..
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
No more words, no more lies, no more cryin',
No more pain, no more hurt, no more tryin',
I've already spoken, our love is broken.

Life, just another drama

LIFE, just another drama.

Why am i surrounded with people who just want to be pretenders,and not their ownselves? I thought, moving to another place, new people, new environment would help me forget things. BUT its not even helping an inch.It's like, you're stucked and you're unable to breakfree. I'm such a messed up person,yes I admit. But it's not like I'm not trying to sort things out. I miss you Papa,I miss talking to you, I miss you scolding me. I come to realize that, I'm nothing but a useless daughter, I never made you proud I guess, even I tried so so hard in academics but overall I still fail you. Yes, I know. I've failed many people in my life. All my friends, everyone around me especially my parents. I'm trying to change my whole self. I'm just trying so so hard. I'm sick of being taken for a ride,I'm sick of being the one who always to be blamed,I'm sick of being betrayed and all. So yeah, I can't take it no more. NO MORE. I don't know how much longer that I can take in. It's true what Papa said, once I'm on my own, I'll know the real world!!! but whats the point, when I'm just so screwed up right now. I've got to forget and leave everything else behind, and concentrate on my education, like big time. I don't want to fail my parents, especially, my dad. ONLY education comes first, and nothing else matters. It's high time, I take things seriously. So yeah, I don't want to be living a life full of drama. I want to face reality,I really want to. It's true what they said, you'll never get what you always wanted but what you never wanted is always there as an option. Come to think about it, I've seen that many times. I really one thing in my life, and now I'm scared will I ever get that one thing, since thats the thing I've always wanted. I'm scared that I'll never be able to have you for my entire life, knowing how much I need you. All I'm worried, if ever I mess up, I'm certainly losing you for definite. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to repeat my mistakes that I did before.
I really want to be a whole new person, why can't people let me be? Why are they bringing it back? Why can't they let me move on? Am I that bad of a person? Do I deserve this? Don't I deserve a chance to change myself. I really love you that I know, and I will only want you in my life. Please don't leave me even I know I screw up at times. I really apologize for whatever shit I did. I just want to be a better person from now on. I really mean what I'm saying.

If Today Was My Last Day

If Today Was My Last Day..tomorrow is just too late!

I have always been thinking, what if I'm alive this very second, and after I sleep tonight, I might never get to breathe again the next morning. What if, I'll never see the person I love anymore after tonight, what if I'll never get to talk to my mum and papa anymore,what if I can't see my friends anymore. What if...
Well, come to think about it, this has been bugging me lately, what if this, what if that. So yeah. Well, I'll never get to live my life twice, so I really want the best out of it. I want to receive love, and give love as well. I want everyone to be happy. I want YOU especially,to be happy. ONLY you. I really love you, I really do. All I want I, you being happy with me. I never want to hurt you. As long as I'm breathing, you're the most important person and the most I ever wanted. It's funny, when you're this madly in love, and suddenly you know you're about to live your very last moments. Reality, seriously hurts. So yeah, I've been thinking, what if this really happens. I will lose the most precious thing in my life, practically my life = to YOU. When there is no you, there is no reason for me to live. If Santa exist, I would ask you for Christmas. That's how much I'm in love with you. I get it, at times, I made you sad, but ignore that part and see how much you made me smile. How much you put life into me. How much you cared for me. How much you love me. It feels so good, when you know, there is someone at home who waits for you to return, just to talk to you just to spend time with you. I might sound a little stupid saying all this, but this is the only way I can express my feelings out. I really want to spend my whole life with you. My entire life with you. If ever, the day comes where you walk out of my life, I swear I'll die. I swear I will. I wish we will never break up, because my heart won't beat again, and that would kill me.

Two is Better Than One?

Two is Better Than One?

Here i am once again, all shattered.Ignorance just tore me apart. How could this happen to me? I thought you were different? But you prove me wrong!
They say TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE! but i don't seem to understand a single shit of that line!
I'm better off all alone i guess :(
Like those days I've always survived.
My tears just don't seem to come to an end
Why am I again giving my heart the reason to bleed?
It's already made up of joined up pieces, how more can it take?
How long can I tolerate all this?
I'm sorry God. I don't want to live anymore,just take me away from this world.
I can't tolerate this anymore.
I'm sorry mum and papa, I never have been a good daughter never been an obedient child.
All I want is a peace of mind, all i ever wanted is people to love me.
I'm sorry MUM, I'm sorry PAPA.

I'm Walking Away From All the Pain You Gave Me
we were meant to say goodbye,when we take this road someone has to go.

Waiting for your call
I'm sick
I'm angry
I'm desperate for your voice.
That was it, I'm never wanting it anymore.
There I laid, all alone, all broken, all tore apart.
But you couldn't see, the tears I cry.
Where were you when I needed you the most.
All I asked for you to spend time with me, nothing more, nothing less.
I always thought I made a right decision, but you just prove me wrong, I think I'm regretting it everyday.
Why this did happen to me? Why me? Was it wrong that I wanted to sort myself, left the old me behind, and welcome the new me
I never thought I'd ever see this day in my life,
but thanks to you, I had to let my tears flow like there isn't an end to it.
Yes, I know, I was stupid, I was dumb, I was a fool.
I harmed myself for you, I sacrifice a lot for you, even my friends, but what did you do for me?
All I remember is you being selfish while i cry myself to sleep.
I can't take this no more, I have moved in life, I never want to look back and clear the things I've done or erase the things that you've done.
I'm saying goodbye for this very last time.
Goodbye, all I ever want is you to be happy.
And this is the best way to keep you happy as this is not going to keep me lying to you and to myself.
This is the final decision I'm making, letting you go.
And please don't come looking for me,
As I'm never going to be there no more.
You have moved on once, so move on again.
I'm walking away from the pain you gave me,
In search of a little air to breathe once again
After so long, as I felt I was dead in my coffin.
Yes, I'm walking away for the very last time.

I'm Already Gone
Yes, I know I'm drifting away from you. Bit by bit! Time is all i need.
Does it hurt to see my face or hear my name?
But it certainly sucks to know I'll never be there when you actually turn back!


" Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high. It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die. I didn't want us to burn out. I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop. I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road.
Someone's gotta go.And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.
So I'm already gone.Looking at you makes it harder.But I know that you'll find another.That doesn't always make you want to cry.Started with a perfect kiss.Then we could feel the poison set in.Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so.I love you enough to let you go.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.Where we take this road.Someone's gotta go.

And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.
So I'm already gone.I'm already gone, already gone.You can't make it feel right.When you know that it's wrong.I'm already gone, already gone.There's no moving on.So I'm already gone.Remember all the things we wanted.Now all our memories, they're haunted.We were always meant to say goodbye.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.Where we take this road.Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know.You couldn't have loved me better.But I want you to move on.So I'm already gone.I'm already gone, already gone.You can't make it feel right.When you know that it's wrong.I'm already gone, already gone.There's no moving on.So I'm already gone."


Yes, if only you could love me better I shall be not as fucked up as I was, glad it was not for long till i found happiness again. But I know everything happens for a reason, and I love the reason behind this. I really do!
Just that we were never meant for do or die, that's about it.

Already Gone

Just Another Picture to Burn!

I just can't get it right! Like it's all retarded!No it's actually more than fucking retarded. How is it that one minute you can be so high up but the next you find yourself on the ground, wings bent and broken so that it seems impossible for you to soar that high again? Like everything else in life, your wings will heal. The question is when and how. Time does not cure everything. That I've learned throughout this past few years.

In fact, time just makes things worse. And it is often too late before you realize that time has made it impossible for you to turn back, to erase those mistakes, to undo the things you've done or to do something you should have done way back then. I always have believed that time heals everything. So, I thought time would heal the wounds ; but it did not. I hoped that if i stayed there on the ground, time would help mend my wings and i'd soon soar again. I want to be ME again, I want the ME i used to be, the all perfect,the all confident person I used to be!

So fucking stupid. I'm still on the ground, the clear blue sky above taunting me. It's been too long and my wings have grown numb since, the memory of their last flight now nothing but a messy mix of dust, wind and clouds. Sure they'll spread wide and soar but it will be brief. They do not trust me anymore to steer nor do they trust the wind to guide them in the right direction.And again, I'm back to square one, all hopeless again!

My wings are broken and though they may soon mend and be granted the ability to flap again, they will not take the risk. I could try for flight, perhaps to join the flock soaring nearby at such a welcoming pace, but I know that my wings will not let me. Flying again leaves room for more crash landings, ruffled feathers and broken things. I dare not take this risk.

That's the person I've become, lost hope in life. I feel that now that I have failed, I'll never gain success or even be close to it. I compared my life to a bird who broke it's wings and has the fear to ever fly again. The fear is in me, still.